Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Previously Living Sea Creature Under the Stairs: A Story

Sometimes life just gets really interesting. And by interesting, I mean really confusing. And by confusing, I mean sitting around extremely baffled, pondering over the points of the bogus case presented unto you by an invisible hand of mischief. Allow me to tell you a tale of mystery, wonder, and ... a surprise.

 Here's a little set up for you. Andrew and I live in an apartment complex that comes in gray and white, with pretty stones, and a lot of stair cases. We live on the second floor, nestled between an outside corridor, upstairs neighbors, back neighbors, side neighbors, diagonal neighbors, and an downstairs neighbor.

You will notice that Andy and I are adorable together looking out of our living room window. What you will probably not notice from the picture is that our apartment is actually rather pretty, and has structural integrity. I will point out that between each flight of stairs, there is a little balcony/switch point thingy so you can turn and go up the other side. Beneath the first stairs, there is a strange, triangle shaped block of air that is sometimes inhabited by odd compilations of questionable items.

Fortunately, the cool ball and the door helped to even out the scene of the decayed boot and Oscar's trash can, so it wasn't all that alarming all the time.

Now that we have that out of the way, here's the situation:

I had very little sleep over a several day time period. I wasn't looking too hot, since I had also been neglecting the laundry and personal grooming beyond basic showering needs.

 However, in my fantasy world, I was a beautiful princess. I had a beautiful ballgown, sparkling and radiant eyes, my hair was curled and flowing, a charming smile to win the heart of a charging water buffalo, and I was going to go and take a royal nap.

 It helped that Andy said that I could have a bowl of cereal, my all time favorite snack/meal, when we got home. So I continued on in my fantasy world, and traipsed home, trailed by a worried Randy.

As I was charging home like a gallivanting galvanized buffalo, I wasn't exactly paying attention to my surroundings. However, as I got to our stairs, and I saw the odd compilation of questionable items, I happened to notice a peculiar smell. And I thought I saw something... but I wasn't sure. Take a look at these two pictures and see if you can tell a difference.

I actually didn't notice this at first. But after Andy's "HEY! Is that a fish head?" my entire cosmos ceased its former movement, and started to rotate in a more zigzagonal shape than its previous Platonic spherical course. 

Someone unknown benefactor had removed the cool ball and had replaced it with a dead fish head. A DEAD FISH HEAD!

 And it had these eyes that were still round and looked at you! NO MATTER WHERE YOU WERE, THE EYE FOLLOWED YOU! It was like the fish was blaming ME for its untimely demise!!!! I tried to escape its gaze, but it made no difference where I put my small pink pictographical representation of myself (see pictures below). The Dead Fish Head just kept staring at me. And I started to feel like it was getting closer and closer, closing in on me like a sneaky 16 year old brother about to steal his toddler sibling's candy, only a lot more malicious than that.

I had no idea why there was a dead fish head under our stairs. I knew that it was a questionable item, and it could logically fit into an odd compilation... but WHY was there a DEAD FISH HEAD? The more I thought about it, the more and more disturbed I became. And guess what? The Dead Fish Head stayed there for almost a week. Day after day after day after day after day after day after day we saw this Dead Fish Head just chillaxin' under the stairs. And I had no idea why.

And then one day....

 it was just gone. *POOF* Vanished. No more Dead Fish Head. I don't know where it came from- I don't know where it went- and it's STILL a mystery. On the bright side, it is a lot more pleasant smelling when the Dead Fish Head does not inhabit a space that is close to your abode.