Sunday, April 28, 2013

Settling the Score

Hello, everyone!  Andrew here.

So word has it that Tashya is always saying good things about me here.  Actually, I look over most posts before they go up, so I'm probably where that idea comes from.  But I'm here to (try to) settle the score (a little bit).

So, I asked a few people that know Tashya really well what they think of her.  B
ecause somehow because I know her the best and spend every day with her, my opinion should be discounted.  Does anyone else wonder why things seem to happen that way? Anyways, here are their responses, edited only enough so that (I hope) she can't tell who said what:

"She is wonderful, and kind. And really sweet. Whenever you need her she's there. I love her."

"OH! what a marvelous idea! Tashya is so wonderfully amazing! there are so many qualities that I absolutely admire and adore about her. The biggest thing is her kindness and concern for others. She is one I go to just to get sympathy, comfort, and just plain ol' love. She is just so wonderful."

"Tashya has always been the one that would give comfort to anyone in need. She's spiritually in tune and does what God want her to do. She loves everyone and everyone loves her. If there is a woman in this world who is more deserving than Tashya to be a princess, I have yet to make meet her."

"She knows how to get things done and I go to her when I have a problem. One day, I was looking through my things and I noticed she had written me a note. It was a cute, touching note saying how much she loved me and gave me some advice."

"Ohboyohboyohboy!!!!  What to say about the amazing Natashya Chelson Heim...well, she's quirky, she's delightful, she's smart, she's thoughtful, she's amusing, and she has great nails. She really knows how to make a person feel SPECIAL."
"One thing I really love about Natashya is that she is just plain nice. She doesn't gossip or say mean things about people. She isn't dramatic, well like in the bad sense. (She can get pretty dramatic over how wonderful some recipes are.) She seems to love people for who they are, and that's enough for her. I really love watching it in her marriage. I have never heard her say anything less than loving about Andy, and I think that's really sweet.PS. We also like her sense of socks and over-all princess attitude."
"She is very funny! I love her blogs and her pictures! Oh, sorry, I seem to be blabbing. It's impossible to think of all of the things and stories I remember about her. hmm. Tashya is Charity."

So there, Tash.  Every one of these things is true, and I say it often. But this time didn't come out of my mouth, so you can't discount them.  So there.  Ha!
Granted, we do have our differences.  Sometimes,  you seems to make the world more complicated than it needs to be:

How things really are

How Tashya sees things
And sometimes you feel hot when it's 73 degrees but freeze if it's 69.  And sometimes you steal my blankets. But I wouldn't trade you for the world.  I want to always be with you.  Because you are so wonderful.

I love you,

Your Andrew

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Because Today Went So Well

Dear Folks,

Because today went so well, I am exhausted. I'm not sure what I'd be like if all had come to pass in an ill manner. I am, however, functioning slightly under peak performance. Or optimal. Or mostly alright. But I am well enough to say that everyone should laugh at this highfalutin man trying to be hip:

Because you didn't need to see his face anyway.

And also, in case you are like me and enjoy Shakespearean tongue and get a kick out of this, INSULT AWAY! Here's a handy chart! How many lines can you identify from the Bard's plays?


If you enjoy laughing AT ALL, and you have experienced the horridly boring, yet mildly interesting, irritation of channel surfing, then watch this:

AAAAAAND one last thing. You should definitely go read about my post about SURGERY from last year, because I had another procedure done today. While wholly unrelated in the health problem in question, there are some similarities to state of mind situations. Here's a picture from that post:

I shall report on today's proceedings tomorrow. Until then, adieu!

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Loserly Door Openers Need Not Apply

Being a stay at home wife means several things for me. One, I have a good bit of freedom in my schedule and my life. Two, because I lack both children and employment, I am available for daytime child care. I have done several jobs around the area. I love kids. Growing up second of ten, I am used to children hanging from the rafters, hollering and having a grand old time. I like to play and have fun with them. Babysitting is really something I enjoy. Mothers tend to trust me as well, seeing as I've had so much experience with children and such my whole life. In fact, I did babysitting and childcare things to pay for a lot of college. So my friend Leah thought that she was making a great decision by calling me. But did she?

Leah called me late Wednesday. A last minute meeting had come up in her schedule, and she needed someone to be able to watch her two kids between 1:30 and 3:30. I had no prior commitments, so I was free to accept. The front door was going to be left unlocked, since they would be leaving about five minutes before I was scheduled to arrive. I was to walk in, make myself at home, and prepare for June to get home at 1:45, and then Roy would get home around 2:45. Super easy, right?

Apparently not.

I got to the house alright and on time. I felt pretty good about myself. As I was getting out of the car, I developed a small case of paranoia. What if this wasn't the right house, and I just strolled right in? Talk about an awkward encounter. So I knocked lightly on the door. I waited. I knocked harder. I waited. I rang the bell. I waited. Nothing. I figured that this was the right house after all. I pushed on the handle, and pressed against the door. Nothing.

Having nothing in response to knocking was alright. Having nothing in response to opening the door was not alright. I tried again.

This did not exactly work either. I then realized that my frantic shoving against the door could make me look like a mad creeper forcing entrance into an unwilling house. Not the best appearance to be giving in a suburb with NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH signs everywhere.

Unfortunately for me, this sign describes my exact appearance and situation at that precise moment. This was not good. I immediately ceased and desisted all attempts to barge into the house, whether or not I had the owners' permission to do so. Instead, I decided to sit down and read my book on the front step. It was a GORGEOUS day, not too hot, not humid, and absolutely beautiful. I, as always, had my book with me.

As I was in the process of jutting out my tush to sit down, I was swarmed by a massive herd of bees, all of which were of one mind: DESTROY AND MANGLE THE TASHYA GIRL!

I hadn't done anything! I wasn't even pretending to be a little black rain cloud! I wasn't stealing honey! I just wanted to read! Sheesh. Pooh Bear has left a bad taste in the mouths of bees everywhere. Good thing Winnie the Pooh is so cute, or I'd be so mad at him right now.

So I just sat in the car with the door open. I was hoping that when June got home, she'd know a great way to get into the house without being a total creeper about it. She would be my ticket in! Only that didn't work, because, hey, she's like four and doesn't know how to break into houses.

My friend Shannon was the one that brought June home from school. She walked around the house with me, despite the fact that she had two children of her own in the van, and tried to help me get in. It didn't work out so well. So she invited us back to her house to play, since she lived just around the corner. And since I had no other options at that point, I took her up on that offer.

NOTE: Only the little blonde girl isn't named Alissa. She's named AlYssa. There's a difference. Alissa is a different girl from a different family that I babysit for. AlYssa is Shannon's little girl. She's cute.

We played around with bikes, hula hoops, scooters, and other little doodads until Roy got out of school. Little Alyssa does very well with the hula hoop. She definitely schooled me. She kept her body in tight and neat control. It should be noted that pathetic hip gyrations that rack the entire body do not maintain hoop levitation, but instead places it closer to the knees. Later, I was allowed to stop humiliating myself when we fetched Roy from the school. Then then debated what we should do at that point.

I was then informed by Shannon, who had called another lady, who had called the kids' dad, that the door was not in fact locked. The door was not locked? The door had a tendency to stick. You had to push really hard to open the door. I protested because I had SHOVED against the door! I was about to be ARRESTED from showing so hard against the door!

I packed up the kids and went with Shannon back over to The House With the Lousy Door. We went up to the door. I touched the door, TOUCHED it. And it swung open. Swung open at the same time as my mouth falling wide open. Seriously. That just left me feeling like a real fool. After that, I was only at their house with the kids for about 15 minutes before the job was over, and I was allowed to go home.

Later that night I got a call from Leah. She kept saying how sorry she was that they had forgotten to tell me about the Sticky Door. I just laughed it off and told her it was all good fun. She said that she was glad that I was having such a great sense of humor about it all instead of being mad.

I was glad she wasn't mad about hiring the village idiot to watch her kids. Honestly. Who can't open a door?

Friday, April 12, 2013

A Lovely Day-iversary!

Two years ago today, a wonderful thing happened. A tall handsome bloke came and interrupted me from my frantic typing. He saw the dazed, somewhat manic gleam in my eye. He became slightly concerned. Because I am a loving and caring individual, I attempted to tone down my high stress levels, and pay attention to him and him alone despite the fact that this paper was due in just about 12 hours. A paper that I had just started. A paper that was the major research paper at the end of the semester. Rats. But I paid attention to the tall handsome bloke.

AND GOOD THING I DID! How else would I wind up with this gorgeous shiny thing on my finger? Or this magnificent bouquet of my favorite kind of roses?

That is a pretty ring. It has a large sparkly thing on top, and loads of small sparkly things on the band. I wouldn't let Andrew hold my left hand for a week. ESPECIALLY if we were in the sunshine. Nope. No way that anyone was allowed to cover that sucker up. My ring bling needed some flaunting!

I won't tell you how he did it quite yet. I will tell you that it involved his sneaky roommates, a coffee table, the "engagement circles" on BYU campus, a favorite passage from Cyrano de Bergerac, and three too many rings. I'm not telling you the whole story because I'm writing up the whole fantastic scene in "The Story."

That picture pretty accurately describes the beginning of our relationship. And most of the rest of our relationship up until about the point where we figured that it was alright to actually like each other. "The Story" is, believe it or not, the story of how Andrew and I found each other. It started with me falling in love with him before I'd ever even seen him- or heard of him for that matter. It involved cold. I don't like being cold. (I changed the names in the story, because I never want to tell stories about people that they don't want to hear. And it's funny, because people are guessing at who is who. It makes me laugh.)

Andrew and I complement each other. We can fill in with our expertise in areas where the other doesn't exactly overflow with that same competency. He is my rock. He is steady, dependable, honest, wonderful. When I get panicked, he remains calm and helps bring me back to some semblance of sanity. He makes me laugh all the time. He has a dashing and quick wit that keeps you on your toes- and at times a hand on your stomach, trying to help the ache in your abs from laughing too hard for too long! Andrew is also good at math, science, logic, and other (somewhat superfluous) skills. He can fix my computer when it breaks, which is good, because technology has a tendency to spontaneously combust when exposed to my person for too long. Andrew is also intelligent and well-read, meaning that we can have intellectual as well as silly conversations. That is a very nice quality to have in your life's companion!

And I had one of the best bridal shower treats ever at my hometown shower. (I had two-one up at school with my friends, and the other back home with all my other friends and my family.) Behold! Edible man!

My friend Jeni took one of my favorite engagement pictures and had a custom cake made. Not only was it one of the best cakes I'd ever eaten, it had Andrew printed on it. Printed on white chocolate. I told everyone that I was the only one allowed to eat Andrew's likeness, and that was that. They humored me, and I was happy. I took the portion of chocolate that had his face on it, and left (most) of the cake to the ladies. I can be a pretty jealous woman when it comes to my man and white chocolate. You have to admit, though, that's a pretty adorable picture, right?

Yes, it's true. I'm rather fond of my Andrew. He took my overly horrid evening and made it one of the best days in my life. It made it ridiculously impossible to focus for the rest of the night, but hey, what can I say? Have you ever tried typing with a brand new ring on your finger? Do you know how much the light plays with diamonds? Thank goodness my teacher allowed me to walk in two minutes late to give him my paper! And thank goodness Andrew gave me such a lovely day!

Exactly four months after that lovely day, Andrew added another ring to my finger. And this time, I got to give him a ring too.

What a lovely day. What a lovely memory. What a lovely beginning.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

How To Be A Blossoming Flower

This weekend was General Conference. Every six months, the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints speak to the members around the world to give inspired counsel and commandments from the Lord. We sit around and listen to eight (or ten, for the men) hours of goodness in the form of talks and music. Some of the most inspiring words to me this General Conference were about light and life. I would like to share some of the thoughts that most touched my heart with you.

An oft repeated thought was that if we will draw near to the Lord, then Lord will draw near unto us. The Lord does not expect us to come struggling to Him while He sits there watching us flounder about like a bunch of ducks on the ice. He is not so unkind. President Uchtdorf said quite emphatically that the Lord does not desire to break our spirits! No, the Lord desires to dwell in us, and also to empower us.

Jesus Christ is the Light and Life of the world. President Uchtdorf reminded us that we need never fear that the darkness will triumph over the good. The light of Christ is ever constant and ever available. It is the hope that we can always look to and follow. It is the light that will bless our lives as we allow it into our hearts, and allow it to banish all shadows. Light and dark cannot occupy the same space. Light can fill our souls. It does not need to be filled with darkness or despair.

I think that one of my favorite phrases really ties this all together: 

Bloom where you are planted.

Blooming means to blossom, and to grow- and we don't have to be somewhere specific to do so.

In the New Testament, Jesus Christ gives the parable of the sower. The seeds only grew in the good soil. The seed is the word of God. The soil is our hearts. We can make our hearts to be good soil. We don't have to have hard hearts, or be too busy to take time for God, or to allow concerns to choke out our testimonies of Christ. It takes effort, but we can do it.

Christ gave the parable of the sower (Mark 4:1-20). There are four kinds of soil, but only one allowed the seed to grow. I can make my heart be good soil, the kind that will nourish the good word of God. Potting soil made up of belief, prayer, Scripture study, love, service, and good desires. I can then water and give light (Christ) to the seed. I can bring my soil with me wherever I go because it is inside of me, in my heart. I need not be in a specific location or situation to bloom!

With good potting soil, the Light and Life of the World, and the Living Water, we can bloom where we are planted and make life more beautiful for everyone.

I can bloom, blossom, in the light of Christ, the hope of Christ. The love that Christ has for each of His children is tremendous. That love shines down on us. Like a flower leans towards the sun, we can lean towards the Son. We can grow upwards, and as we do so, we are drawing near to our Lord. The nearer that we draw to the Lord, the more that we can bask in his light.

I will admit something. I don't always feel very at home here in Texas. I moved here less than a year ago. It's my first time in Texas. It's a different climate than anything that I'm used to. There aren't many people my age, or in my situation. I'm far from family. I have a lousy health problem. Am I miserable here? No. Are people here horrible? Not at all! There are many wonderful people here, and I do have friends. But is this what I'm used to? Nope.

But you know what? That's alright. Because I know that Jesus is the Christ, and that light and hope are always available through Him, I can also know that everything is going to be alright.

I can find ways to bloom and grow right here in my home in Texas. It doesn't matter what difficult times are happening in my personal life. It doesn't matter what scary things may be happening in the world. I can find ways to bloom right here.

Christ said that by their fruits ye shall know them. Apples are good food, but they begin as blossoms. By bearing fruit and flowers of kindness and service, I can beautify and bless life for the people around me, giving both food and comfort. The Savior will come, and I'll be one that visited the Savior in prison, and gave Him food and drink, because I will have done it unto one of the least of these His brethren (see Matthew 25: 35-40).

As I blossom, I can produce fruits (cool apples, eh?) and flowers that can help to cheer up other people. I can be a blessing for Andrew. I can beautify and bring joy to the lives of my friends, neighbors, and random people in the grocery store.

Remember that the light and love of Christ are always available to us, His precious children. The sun is sometimes hidden by clouds, but the light and warmth are still there- otherwise it would a freezing night all the time!

"Know that there is darkness in the world, but walk in the light"- Pres. Uchtdorf. Andrew likes this thought. He thinks "walking" is staying, pressing forward, expressing faith, working towards good things. I agree.

Find the good in life. If you can't find a whole lot of good, become the good in life. For yourself, and for the people around you. You can be happy. You can blossom.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Mexican Rice (and Spanish Rice): A Tale of Exotic Dancing

This ridiculous picture refuses to center. I think this horrid thing is just being a  lousy  half of a pickle stuffed with peanut butter. It needs to get a life. The tasty recipe has a life. I have a life. Why can't the picture have a life?! CURSE YOU RAMSAR 2000!! That link will take you to the story that explains some of the enmity betwixt me and technology.

And after all that fuss, IT CENTERED! Technology. We. Are. Not. Friends.
ANYWAYS... We're moving on now.

Mexican Rice Recipe (With a Variation for Spanish Rice)

It's tasty stuff. Real tasty, I'm telling you! And so is Spanich Rice. And by "Spanich," I definitely mean Spanish. Because spinach isn't in this recipe. Sorry, spinach lovers. You'll have to look elsewhere for a recipe involving a Spanish variation of spinach. 

(NOTE: Andrew didn't laugh at that paragraph, even though he should have. I'm tired, and I can't type when I'm tired. I was too lazy to backspace, so I got clever (or dumb, as the case may be). Andrew must be so tired that he's momentarily lost his sense of humor. Did anyone else laugh at that? Besides me? ... Maybe we just both need to go to bed.)

I did this as a guest post for my friend Tanney's blog a while ago, but I realized that I never put the recipe up here in my Edibles stash. Silly me! It includes the two recipes, and also a Pictorial about the first time that I tried this recipe. It was fun. If nothing else, go check out the diagram I drew. It will make me feel special.

And just as a side note for people that I don't know, I'm putting up several recipes that feed two people comfortably, with a little left over. It's also good for people who are in college, and just want some food to take for lunch the next day as well as dinner that night. It also feeds one man.

PS. Feel free to poke around on Tanney's blog. Her real name is Tayler, and I love her to bits. Hi, Tanney! I hope you're having a good day in Utah!

Monday, April 8, 2013

Feel Free To Laugh With Me

So, this isn't what I was going to post today. I actually have a very thoughtful post saved as a draft right now. But it's not done, and I wanted that post to be more put together than not. However, seeing as I should be putting something up here, I decided to do it this way.

I am going to share some of the things that made me laugh out loud this weekend. Literally. Laughter came out of my mouth. And loudly. No mere chuckles from this girl, no sirree bob! Feel free to laugh right along with me. I won't even get jealous that it's not my pictures that you're laughing at. These are too good to keep to oneself.

This is in Brazilian (Portuguese): It says "I'm ugly! -- HAHA! April Fools!"

This explains my bangs. Pink cows. Who knew?:

My life... the universe... everything... it all makes sense now

And I have this thing with cows being funny. Especially ones that look like a close relative of Sid the Sloth:


Daddy is a construction man, and I'm sure he feels like this is how we children are when we help him:

Raise your hand if shaving is your favorite part of grooming. I'm not raising mine. Neither is this bear:

I just like this. Politeness and etiquette will always be respectable:

I hope that you know this song, because it's great for when you need a diva moment:

Because we all have moments when we finally get what's going on, and we feel super clever about it all:

Play with the friends that you have. You never know when you're a source of adorable hilarity to the people (who actually know what's going on) around you:

This one nearly murdered me. This is how to handle rocks like a boss. Listen to Zelda boss music or other "I'm Awesome" song of your choice in your head:

And if you want to read a story about a really confusing piece of fish, and how it almost destroyed me like the boss it was, please feel free to read about the Dead Fish Head. It's one of my personal favorites from the Pictorial collection.

This alligator just proves that we all have a song within us, just waiting to burst forth. Don't let anything hold you back:

Sometimes horrible things are just plain alright if the cause is cute enough:

Did you know that Andrew's pet peeve is loserly drivers? And that he plots his revenge constantly in the way that only an engineer would be able to muster?:

Did you know that Star Trek depicts actual, real life moments that happen to all of us? Because we all get that awkward "I just missed the joke ball" thing. What makes is really bad is when we get the "pity smile" from the one who doesn't really know socialness:

And you should definitely bask in the glory of a Brazilian man shampoo commercial. Maybe this is why Andrew wanted "Grandpa's Wonderful Pine Tar Soap Bar." Much better than my Herbal Essence Orange Happy Smelling Woman Stuff:

I have to admit that it's even funnier when your Brazilian speaking husband plays it and repeats every line slowly (in his low Brazilian voice) so that you can try to understand it. 

So... I hope that you enjoyed that. I certainly did. Regular posts will come back, but until tomorrow, I bid you feast your souls on joyous and constant laughter. Laughter really is the best medicine. Heal yourself. 

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Megan the Ninja Fool

You may recall my beloved sister Megan from her introductory post about how she and I made some grand fools of ourselves in rather majestic fashion. (Incidentally, that post has become one of my top ten viewed in the few weeks that it's been there. Apparently sisters making fools of themselves is really appealing to people nowadays.) Well, good old Megan gave me a call this week, a call that just brought a smile to my face like gold brings a grin to Prince John's ugly mug.

NOTE: I don't have an ugly mug. I have a very pretty mug. Lots of them, actually. You should see the beautiful mug that my friend Michele gave me. She saw this post about how I destroyed my favorite flower mug and she got me a lovely new one. If my flowers had married her beautiful whimsy, this mug would have been the product of that relationship. It's perfect!

Anywho, I'm not talking about Megan and mugs. I'm talking about Megan and April Fools' Day. And already, we know this will be a beautiful and heartwarming tale. We continue.

Megan is in her last semester of college. She lives in a small house with a few other girls, which means much sharing of bathrooms. On April 1, Megan discovered that she needed relief from her oppressive bladder, and accordingly journeyed on to the bathroom. After she got in, however, her senses kicked into ultra mode. She knew what day it was. She knew that she must keep her wits about her. The bathroom becomes one of the most dangerous battlefields on April 1, often being the location of some of the cruelest barbarities known to jokesters and pranksters. Megan wasn't going to let anyone take her by surprise.

While Megan was preparing to go about her business, she noticed a shape lurking behind the shower curtain. There was definitely a roommate back there, lying in wait for the opportune moment to come along! Now, Megan is no booby head. She doesn't let people push her around!

 That's right. Megan went into MegaNinja Mode. None of this pansy stuff for her. Who needs a man to save you when you can totally attack a shower curtain all by yourself? Because that's what she did. Attacked a shower curtain.

Megan's senses are so finely honed that she was able to detect a life form from a different part of the house. Because she could feel the life vibes so strongly, she mistakenly labeled the person as being located in the shower not three feet from her own person. This is no slight against Megan's intelligence. Indeed, this is an homage to her very keen senses. Her powers are so great that she sometimes has a difficult time controlling them.

Let this be a lesson to you all: Megan is no woman to be trifled with. Approach with caution. Cuidado! (That's about as close as I can get to Spanish. I don't speak Spanish. Megan does, since she lived in Santiago, Chile for 18 months as a missionary.) Attention! (French.) WHOA, GURL! WATCHIT! (Weird Slang Stuff.) Well, SHEEYOOOT!!!! (Cowboy.) Mostly, just be wary when trying to prank a blonde MegaNinja. Even if you escape harm, please, consider your shower curtains. A ninja is a dangerous foe to have. A ninja fool is an even more formidable opponent.

Friday, April 5, 2013

I'm a 16 Year Old Russian Princess

The title of this post really does say it all. I'm not actually 22, I'm 16. And I was crowned Miss Russia this year. Oh, and one more thing. I'm really great friends with Jane from the Kiera Knightly version of Pride and Prejudice. Are you wondering how all of this started?

I have heard from more than one person that I look younger than I actually am. Usually I get pegged down a few years. However, it seems that the older that I get, the younger I get according to the people around me. And I'm pretty sure it's not because I'm getting more immature. There is one young man (to whom I've never actually spoken- I heard this from his mother) who said, "Every time I see her, I think she's 16!" Yup. I'm 16 and I'm married to a 28 year old dude. Man, I sure did find a serious cradle robber!

And now I'm constantly worried about flashing my ring all over the place, so no super awkward moments happen. My friend Kristina was out and about, and some guy came up and asked for her number. Kristina is married and has three kids. Yup. Talk about awkward. Super flattering, but awkward for all involved.

I'm not offended, and looking forward to the future, I think that I'll be flattered when I get older and I'm a 75 year old hag getting taken for a 50 year old hot mama. Yup. I'm sure that's how that will go. At least, it will if I go down the same road that my Mama leads. That right there is Mama and Buggy. Yes, that woman gave birth to all 10 of us children. And she looks fantastic.

(NOTE: For a good Pictorial read, go refresh yourselves by meeting Buggy as she and I almost die in smelliness and as she gave us directions to nowhere.)

(ANOTHER NOTE: Mama is neither 75, 50, nor anywhere in between. I just thought I'd point that out. She's a spry spring chicken.)

Not only was I recently informed of my true age and my return to the teens, I also discovered that some people think that the lady crowned as Miss Russia this year bears a striking resemblance to myself. I, of course, think that it's highly fitting that I be taken as a Russian princess. Isn't my name very suiting?

Miss Russia 2013

Miss Natashya 2011

What do you think? Close enough? My Aunt Becky said that I'm prettier, so I think that means that I should get the crown. I think it's only fair. Even if I don't live in Russia, or participate in the pageants. I've loved Russian crowns ever since I saw Anastasia when I was little, and formed a subsequent mild obsession over her story (and the beauty of her dress which ended up destroyed by Rasputin- what a shame). Dimitri is definitely one of the best looking animated characters out there. Not that he's anywhere near as handsome as Andrew. Andrew is the fairest, er, handsomest in the land! True story.

NOT a picture of Andrew. Or Dimitri, for that matter. This is Tess.
My friend Pook, more commonly referred to as Tess, also received information regarding her appearance recently. (I would like to take a brief moment to note that I have very few friends that I call by their actual names. No wonder I confuse people when I'm telling stories.) She was told that she looks a lot like Jane from Pride and Prejudice. That's pretty complimentary, considering that Jane is described as an "angel" and "classically beautiful." I'll settle for Lizzy's description of having "fine eyes" since I also get the Miss Russia crown. Also, Pook- you are pretty fantastic. I think you're a swell gal, and I'm glad that we're friends.

Can I just add one more note? I'm married to Spider-Man. Just take a look at this face.

Andrew has been informed more than once that this hero resembles his own person. Andrew is by far and away the most handsome superhero ever. But he's not just any kind of superhero. He's a Ninjaneer. He saves people from technology. He's cool like that.

And that's all I've got for now. I was just going through life this week when I kept getting all of these "HEY! You look like 'name of person, place, or thing' that I saw 'in/around/by/at or time'!!!" I think it's interesting that we sometimes determine who looks like who by who we know better, or by who we are talking to. Do I look like Miss Russia, or does she look like me? Or do we look like each other? Perspective, I suppose, makes all the difference.

Do I know any other famous people out there? Seriously. Who have you been told that you look like?

NOTE: Dear Pictorial Requester- I'm sorry that the Pictorial didn't come today, or yesterday. But I do promise you that it will come. I send my love and a small box of assorted cookies in your general direction.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Why I Didn't Punch Life in the Face Last Night

Sometimes life gets really overwhelming. Sometimes you get fed up with being overwhelmed. Sometimes you just want to sock life in the face like a derby girl elbows her opponents, and tell him to stop messing with you, because you've had ENOUGH already! But you can't actually do that since life isn't an embodied form that you can deck in the face at will. Especially if you don't want to punch yourself/your own life. What stopped me from grabbing a box of Life cereal and reducing it to a blithering stack of sad crumbles? 

Teannka. Teannka stopped me. My youngest sister, and youngest sibling, Teannka.

Yesterday was one of those days. (And when did "one of those" come to mean something rather distateful, such as "one of those guys," or "one of those days," or "one of those cheeseburgers- you know, the kind where they gave you half a slice of cheese and absolutely no pickle"?) Nothing terrible happened. I was just rather unimpressed with my performance at living. And stressed about rescheduling a horrendous medical procedure that costs way more money than is probably practical. And stressed about needing that procedure. And stressed about stressing, which tends to aggravate and cause more stress.

And right when I'm about to go all haywire and beserker on everything, I get a text. It has been recreated here in its original spelling, punctuation, and grammar for your cooing pleasure:
"Dear Tashya I, love you so much I will be your friends.You make me Know all the princesses are pretty and are funny too as will.You make me know a little friends can make you happy.My favorite numbers are 2/4/6/8/10 but favorite two number of the princess all is 100 and 20.Small so I can see your small.I are happy. From your lovely Teannka Chelson."
My Teannka Chelson is lovely. She is my precious little sister, my darling little princess, and my very beloved little friend.  I'm so glad that I was able to teach her about all the princesses (Disney Princesses are very important, people!), and that princesses are funny as well as pretty. I'm glad that I was able to show her that just a few wonderful friends can help to make you happy. I'm glad she has favorite numbers so that she can play the Number/Color/Animal Game. I'm glad that she has learned to take joy in the smiles of other people.

And that little text from her, which took her quite some time to write out on Daddy's phone, made me smile. Not only was it exactly the right words that I was needing to cheer me, but it was at exactly the right time. I can't imagine a better or more efficacious way to be cheered at that moment.

Isn't she so adorable? That picture is from a few years ago when I was home from college for a break. Teannka (Baby) had three of her five older sisters dress up for a tea party. We raided Mama's pearl and jewel stash, as well as my own treasure chest of ball gowns and princess dresses. We also used Baby's awesome bright blue play makeup. Pinkies raised on our Beauty and the Beast/Cinderella tea cups, we sipped and feasted like the dainty princesses that we are. And gorged on cookies. I'll have to write a post sometime about the six Chelson girls and their princesses.

So after Teannka swooped in and put a giant grin on my face and a happy glow in my heart, Andrew saw the big break that he needed. He had been trying to console me since he'd gotten home from work, but I really don't like doctors, calling people, or medical procedures, and didn't feel like being cheered up at all (I make an exception for relatives or friends in the medical profession- I like you just fine). Poor Andrew. I sure was being difficult. But he saw his opportunity, and he seized it. What started as a miserable evening turned into one where we were laughing. Andrew made an executive decision that in order to help us drift off to sleep, we would snuggle and watch a good movie. In fact, one of the best movies.

That's right. The Sword in the Stone. The above gif is actually one of my favorite parts of the whole movie. Merlin is one of the best Disney characters ever created. And do you know what I learned lately? I heard that some people haven't seen it. Who hasn't seen this movie?! I mean, really? That's just ridiculous. I demand to know who you are so I can command you to forswear your evil ways and watch it. You better believe that I'm judging you. For your SEVERE lack of taste and judgement.

Andrew's idea worked, though. He got me cozied up and watched as I started to nod off. When my eyes were closed for long enough, he turned off the movie and carried me off to bed. Isn't he the sweetest husband? I really am so grateful to have a great man in my life to help me to keep from punching my life. I think that I'd be a bit black and blue by this point if it weren't for him!

I'm grateful for a lovely support network of family- Andrew, Baby, Mama, Megan- and friends- Tanney, Michele, Marcy, and Shannon. I really do feel so blessed. And blessings help to keep the punching to a minimum. But I wonder if I could get Andrew to do that Merlin thing with his beard... Now THAT would be a blessing of a good laugh! I think, however, that I shall allow the cranky old man to stay in the movie, and keep Andrew beardless out here with me.

NOTE: I've received a request for more Pictorials. I am pleased to announce that this has become a viable possibility once again due to the surfacing of a mouse. It's not my small cute rose pink mouse, but Andrew's larger gray and black mouse will do the trick for now. I just thought I'd let you know. Especially since I feel like I've betrayed my own artwork by having gifs and such on here. But it's not gone completely. I promise.

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